trogdor
trogdor
trogdor
Start
2004-11-27 // 1:10 p.m.

Playing: FFXI
Watching: The worst movie EVER!

I suppose I will start from the middle simply to confuse anyone who reads this. I hope that if anyone does read this they are able to decipher my incoherent babble.

She left six days ago. I can't seem to get her out of my head. I don't really understand it myself, but then again I was never good at these sorts of things. The visit went great. It was much better than I could have hoped for. There are so many things I want to say to her, but no words seem to fit. Is it love? That word has always just given me a headache when I'm forced to ponder it. This time is no exception.

She has my head so mixed up. I find myself acting like a woman about several things. I am forced to check if my testicles are still attached almost daily. She left her hair all over the sink. I can�t bring myself to clean it up because it is a constant reminder of her. Is this anywhere close to normal? I am able to tell myself that I am merely too lazy to clean and it seems to help justify it. I can�t stop thinking about her. She is honestly the first thing I think about in the morning and the thing I�m thinking about as I drift off to dreamland. Throughout the day she finds her way into my thoughts frequently and it always manages to bring a smile to my face. I�m not a smiley person, but I think I like it.

I think we may make it this time. I have no real reasons to support this, only feelings. That frightens me. That isn�t how I operate. But I think this time we both are mature enough to make that enough.

The visit has also brought to mind some questions and doubts. We learned that we can be great together for three days, but how long till we begin to get on each others nerves? She didn�t complain about my smoking once. How long until she starts that up? I think that one thing used to annoy me more than anything else. And I have no idea how she is going to be able to move here. I mean, don�t get me wrong, I would love for her to, but I don�t know if I could honestly ask her to. She is close to her family back home, has friends there, has a job there, and is going to school there. How do you ask someone to completely drop their life to give you a shot? I suppose it may become easier with time. Even with all this stuff, I still can�t wait to go home for the holidays and see her.

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